Marriage Counsel
What are the rules for a truly happy marriage? They are not, in fact. More like guidelines. Why? Because what works for one couple might be ridiculed by another. It all depends. One thing is left, however: couples need to know what works for them and to aim to eliminate harmful habits that can sink into their relationship. Because the happiest marriages are not perfect unions, and a loving couple may not always see eye to eye. They need fluency, communication, evolution, curiosity, and agreement from both partners to do the job to help us adapt and succeed. That said, there are some things that every couple should pay attention to - guidelines for disputes, bad habits, flexibility, and much more for each couple to understand. Recognizing these 8 pieces of marriage advice - from therapists, relationship therapists, and many professionals - is a good start.
1. Remember Your Commitment
(Jeff Goldblum's voice) Life, uhhhh, finds a way… to burden a partner with many different obstacles. The busy and unpredictable nature of everything can obscure the most important fact: Our partners are still together. You both signed up to ride together in whatever you find. And the foundation you have built along the way needs to stay on top of the mind - and to maintain it. "If there is a basis for caring and love, then you can always count on you to deal with any difficulties you may face," said Janet Zinn, a New York-based LCSW and a couple therapist. “Commitment means that you can gently put your head on your partner's shoulder because you know he or she is there to let you go or you are in danger or simply tired. Shared intimacy is fundamental, and it is an essential ingredient in a healthy, happy marriage. "
2 Consider the Best of All
No matter what happens, it is important to understand that your partner is probably saying the best. Even though they may be offended by something bad, their motives may be pure. Thinking makes your ass and me, yes. But it is important to keep in mind that your partner - even if there are flaws and annoying ones who seem to sometimes - have had positive psychological consequences, despite the result. "If you think your partner is doing his or her best, there is little chance of any suspicion or disappointment," said Zinn. "And there will be effective consultation to resolve issues as they arise as you know you both have a good idea for each other." Remember that "your best" does not mean perfection - it means you give the situation everything you can at the moment.
3 Never Stop Trying
Happiness can be a kind of snare, for it comes with a short explosion. It's like watching a football match with endless goals. Good for a quarter, then it gets boring. You need to fight for contentment, which is an ongoing process, and one that sounds like reality. “Happiness comes with stress. It makes it sound like the work of a partner, ”said Dr. Pat Love, a relationship expert and co-author of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, told us. An inevitable piece is just a commitment to trying. Doing things like being generous, showing appreciation, and saying thank you more than you can be.
4 Stop Stone Fencing
One of John Gottman's four horse riders of the apocalypse - i.e. the elements that end marriage - "stone building" is common as it causes great decay. It is an act of closure during an argument. The stone builder stops reacting and keeps the outside quiet, telling his partner that they have no interest in what they are saying. "Stonewaller is good at trying to ease things up but the way he does it is very destructive," said Donald Cole, Medical Director at The Gottman Institute. What should you do instead? Ask for a break. Tell your partner that you feel emotionally drained and wandering off or else put your brain in the ice until you cool your jets. After that, return to the conversation - soon - and continue the conversation.
5 Communicate Respectfully
Good communication is the lifeblood of all relationships, of course. No, you don't have to behave like that special kind of weirdo couple who have never argued or provoked each other. Instead, couples need to resist and attack the issues they face without defending themselves, digging past and throwing you in the other person's face, discarding partner information, or any other such causal practice. Does this take work? You bet your good khakis do. But it is worth it.
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6 Be Regular
Life throws away many grasshoppers in our path. And it is important that partners understand and expect that, well, they cannot expect anything so they have to respond flexibly. “The events, costs, and uncertainties come from the relationship,” says Zinn. “When we are strong, we stand up for the unexpected. Couples' ability to 'flow' - especially if they are very different from what they expected - gives them the opportunity to learn new skills and, most importantly, get to know each other in ways they may not have known before. "
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7 Curiosity Saves Marriages
There is no way out: Growing up as a couple or individually requires curiosity. Curiosity together can lead to a great learning experience that strengthens your relationship. "In difficult or challenging situations, you can both learn from what makes those situations difficult for you," Zinn said. “And you will grow in the process. In this way both of you will be proud of the way you came to another country. ”He adds,“ Also, you know that your partner may change over time, so a shared curiosity - openness to the ways in which he or she is changing - can allow you to see the changes you've made. ”
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8 Be Determined to Grow and Learn
Spoiler Warning: Everyone rolls up, says dumb things, makes things wrong. It’s all about how people react which defines relationships.
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